I was recently contacted by a friend, Hogey Hooey. He’s a longtime employee at MIT (landscaping department), who has been working on an amazing product that he’s decided to call Hooium (pronounced hooey-um). I only received the package two days ago, so today was the first day I could announce it; but imagine a tire additive that is ONE THOUSAND (yes, you read that correctly!) times lighter than Helium (pronounced he-lee-um).
One afternoon, Hogey (or Ole Hogwash, as Stephen Hawking likes to call him) was in the Institutes’ potting shed preparing a batch of RoundUp for the next day. He didn’t rinse the container and inadvertently mixed a couple chemicals together. The next thing he sees is the container floating clear of the bench and bouncing gently on the ceiling! I kid you not.
A landscaper doesn’t make a lot of money, so he put his mind to making dough with his discovery. He tells it this way--
“I looked over at my old Schwinn five-speed and thought; what if I could make it lighter? I weighed it on the manure scale and it was 37 pounds. I deflated the tires and carefully inflated them with the contents of the RoundUp container. Then I weighed it again...24 pounds!"
Hogey has sent me a carton of 48 cartridges containing compressed Hooium. They go for the low price of $41.99 each. Do I really need to spell this out for you?!
Just imagine KOMing all over Strava!
Imagine thrashing your rivals on the Sunday ride!
Imagine impressing that good-looking girl on the Amira!
Think of the possibilities!
Supplies are limited; no club discounts, cash only.
*Jones Precision Wheels is not responsible for any injuries or mid-air rescue charges caused by Hooium.